Obama-Clinton. “Yeahhh! That’s the ticket!”

Tommy Flanagan, president of Pathological Liars Anonymous, a character created and portrayed by Jon Lovitz of Saturday Night Live would tell the most amazing lies to show his importance. He would end many of his outlandish prevarications with the perfidious summation, “Yeahhh! That’s the ticket!” With the latest talk of a “dream team” composed of Barak Obama for president and Hillary Clinton for vice-president, Tommy Flanagan would surely have a field day with Obama’s campaign slogan, “Change We Can Believe In.” With Hillary Clinton on the ticket, I can hear him say, yeahhh, that’s the ticket.

Although I know quite a few friends and associates of mine who voted for Obama just to cast a vote against Hillary Clinton, I chose not to go down that road. In fact, after I had taken ABC’s really cool Match-O-Matic political quiz to fit me with the candidate who’s positions are most like my own, the candidate I was matched with was none other than…Hillary Clinton. I was a bit surprised and curious, but nevertheless, I was not persuaded at all to throw my support behind her. For me, Hillary Clinton is a master of sleaze politics and reminds me too much of the Nixon-Agnew days. There was no way I was going to vote for her. She’s just too dirty and often reminds me of that oft repeated saying,

“Know when a politician is lying? When their lips are moving!”

Hillary Clinton’s political life has been an iconic collage of one lie and broken promise after another. Sadly, when Hillary Clinton says “let the conversation begin,” you can bet the truth will be measured against political expediency and self-promotion, smothered in exaggerated puffery. Her recent “misstatement” and “minor blip” describing her harrowing “foreign affairs” adventure in Bosnia in March 1996 was such a case. According to Clinton’s account of the Bosnia trip, she reported: “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.” Take note of the picture below and how cool Hillary is under sniper fire. She’s the picture of composure and quiet resolve. I can just imagine Hillary Clinton saying something to this little girl like, “Don’t worry about the sniper fire, Darling. Your village will raise you to become the first woman president of Bosnia, breaking the gender-biased glass ceiling into a million pieces. No, not a million! I misspoke. I meant eighteen million pieces. Yeahhh. That’s the ticket! You don’t have to stay home and bake cookies and have teas. And by the way, don’t forget the value of claiming that accusations against you are merely part of a right-wing conspiracy!”

Check out these two versions of the same event. Hillary Under Fire & Hillary Not

Of course there’s a lot more. Check this sampling of related articles:

Blizzard of Lies – William Safire

Hillary Clinton: A Pathological Liar – Dana Pico

Things Worth Knowing about Hillary Clinton

As I said in the introductory paragraph, the idea that you can have “change you can believe in” with Hillary Clinton on the ticket is a falsehood. It would be one of the greatest tragedies in modern political history to see so many people rally around a cause so noble as real political change, only to see it sink in a cesspool of inner Beltway mechanics. If Barak Obama is to move the country into a new culture of positive politics, he cannot compromise with the sleaze politics most Americans abhor. Hillary Clinton is wrong for Obama’s message, his legacy, and his country.

For those advocating that Hillary Clinton become the vice president, you’re dream is already fulfilled. She is by all means, a VICE* president. “Yeahhh. That’s the ticket!”

*Vice is a practice or habit that is considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading in the associated society. In more minor usage, vice can refer to a fault, a defect, an infirmity, or merely a bad habit. Synonyms for vice include fault, depravity, sin, iniquity, wickedness and corruption.

Here’s the transcript of a typical Weekend Update, starring Dennis Miller and Jon Lovitz (as Tommy Flanagan) Enjoy!

The Iran-Contra Hearings this week concluded tsestimony by several witnesses, all of whom continued to incriminate Lt. Col. Oliver North. Here to respond to this testimony, is Col. North’s attorney, Mr. Thomas Flanagan, Esq.
Tommy Flanagan: Hello. I’m Tommy Flanagan. And I’m here to tell you that my client, Oliver North, is completely innocent. You know how I know? Because it was.. it was me! Yeah, that’s the tic-.. uh.. isn’t that special! [ smiles ]
See, I was working for the CIA with my wife, Morgan Fairchild.. whom I’ve slept with. And we were spies. Yeah! She was on the cover, and I was under-.. water! Yeah, that’s it! I was disguised as a fish in the Hudson River! Yeah! And I was about to bite into a worm when I was caught. Yeah! And they dsold me to the Russian Tea Room, where I was filleted and eaten. And the next thing you know, I was.. I was back in the Hudson! [ shifts eyes ]
So I got on a jet, and I flew to Switzerland with my wife, Morgan Fairchild – whom I’ve slept with. And we were gonna hide.. deposit the money, when my plane crashed in the Himalyas. Yeah, that’s it! And to stay alive, we ate the survivors. ‘Cause the dead ones were rotten! Yeah! So there I was, fighting over the tall co-pilot, with my wife, Morgan Fairchild – whom I’ve seen naked! When suddenly, the co-pilot woke up, and he kicked me in the head, and I blacked out! And the next thing you know –
Dennis Miller: Wait a minute, Tommy. What does this have to do with Col. North?
Uh…n-n-nothing! You see, that’s my point! He had nothing to do with it! Yeah, that’s the ticket!
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